WHEN A "NO" IS A HUGE POSITIVE!
Think back to when you were a child, how often we heard the word "no", how quickly we learned that that it was something to stop us in our tracks, halt us, make us shrink back. Now granted, sometimes that was a very well meaning "no". A "no" to stop us physically hurting ourselves, walking into a dangerous situation or just because our guardians knew best. Then as we got older, didn't "no" become less about physical or emotional protection and more about fear, fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of loss of control?
Cast your mind back to your late childhood and early teens when you were still under the watchful eye (and rules) of an adult. Were the no's you heard still about your physical and emotional wellness or did the boundaries get a little more blurred? "No you can't have that extra slice of pizza", "No you can't stay out till that time and no I don't care that _____'s mum says they can, I'm not their mother", "No, you're not going out wearing that", or maybe the no's had a deeper cut; "No you can't get that grade, you aren't clever enough", "No you shouldn't try _____, you can’t” or "No, you're just not good enough".
See there’s a difference between saying “no” from a place of ❤️, care and safety to saying “no” with the intent to place limitations, restrictions, to dent confidence and push someone down. Those two letters have stifled many a dream and why? Because our upbringing tells us that “no” is final and “no” is not to be challenged. Think back to the times someone has said no to you, a “no” that has had a deep internal mark on you, branded you. Maybe it was a “no” to continue dancing, playing football, a relationship, a promotion, a job, a home, an opportunity.
Think back, to that one burning thing that you remember like yesterday, the “no”, the knock back, the gut wrenching sickness, anger, sadness, the feeling that felt like the end of the world. Take yourself back there. Chances are whether it was 5 month, 5 years or 25 years ago, you remembered it in an instant. As &*^% as it feels, regardless of the memories it pulls back, feel it, feel that sucker punch. Sure it knocked you, maybe it still does to a degree but let’s flip that for a minute.
What if that “no” was the best thing that could’ve happened to you? Ok, bear with me. I’ve had my fair share of no’s, my fair share of put downs, I’ve been buried even, but here’s the thing … The word “no” is just an opinion, it’s not final and it can be challenged, in fact, you can damn well ignore it. Sure it takes strength, it may mean parting ways, it could see you putting on your virtual SheRa cape when you feel like a timid mouse, but you don’t have to accept “no” as “NO NEVER”!
There’s numerous examples of greatness being told “no”:
- J.K Rowling was unemployed, divorced, raising a daughter on social security when she was writing Harry Potter. Her novel was rejected 12 times.
- Stephen King’s first book Carrie (a horror mainstream) was rejected 30 times. He threw it in the bin.
- Michael Jordan was dropped from his school basketball team. He lacked skill.
- Oprah Winfrey was fired from her job as a reporter. She was unfit for TV.
- Bill Gates was a Harvard dropout. His first business Traf-O-Data was a huge failure.
Surprised?! What if they’d accepted the no’s, the feedback, the opinions? See, even the great successes had knock backs, the difference is whether they chose to carry on, chose to get back up, chose to keep going … This my friend, is why I truly believe that a big “NO” can be the BEST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU. Now before you click delete, scroll or send me a rolling eye emoji 🙄, I’m writing this from a place of raw truth of a situation this week.
This week I got a big “NO”, a gigantic “NO”. Something that I thought I really wanted to come off, something that would have made a huge difference, but it didn’t, and I couldn’t challenge it or change it, it was in this situation a door closed, not now, “NO, NO,NO” Sure, I disappointed, I had to regather, I had to redirect, and that’s exactly what I did. I was grateful for the opportunity, grateful for the experience, and then I moved on. I could have dwelled, gone over the situation, replayed what I would’ve done differently but the bottom line was that avenue was closed - do not pass go, do not collect £200! So after a long bath, a cup of herbal tea and a good nights sleep I realised this; the closing of that avenue was like being stood at a crossroads; that was my safe place but it wasn’t the destination that was on my bucket list, nor the vision board. It was like going on holiday to the same resort because you know what you’re getting but it’s like groundhog day and that’s not challenging, exciting or inspiring.
In fact since I got that NO, I’m clearer on my direction, clearer on where I am channeling my energy and my efforts, I’m laser focused and what’s happened? I’m getting more enquires, I’m enjoying what I’m doing, my genuine passion is shining through and this equals … you guessed it … “yes yes yes”!
See it’s easy to let other’s opinions push us down, easy to think that when a door is closed that there are no others to open, but know this … You always have options: you can stare at the door like a puppy dog waiting for it’s owner, you can keep knocking and banging and hope it opens or you can wave at the door and walk away, because gorgeous, a no, is never the end of the line for you. Think of it like a plot twist, give grace to the learnings (I know you may not feel it now, but you will I promise) and know this is just the start of the journey … YES a “NO” can be the BEST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU!
If you want support to flip that "no" even quicker and move forward with action, impact and positive results, drop me a message ... I've opened 6 one to one confidence booster sessions! They'll go quick!
Much love, your coach,
Are you ready? Does this help? I hope so because you’ve helped me by reading this. Drop me a message via the contact page; how can I help you?